Well I realized that I am now in New York State and have yet to discuss Yellowstone. I know you all have been waiting on pins and needles for the next segment so…

I found Yellowstone to be a challenging, but not entirely impossible, park to see in one day. Sure, I may have missed a few hikes, mountaintops, and beautiful vistas, but as they say, “if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all.” That is not the mantra that I adhere to, and I really wouldn’t recommend it, but in the case of this Yellowstone visit, I had to do what was feasible, and leave rest behind. After camping in the pleasant, but painfully minimalistic, Indian Creek campground, I headed to the vast Norris Geyser Field for my first bit of sight seeing. The Norris area, unlike Old Faithful, which I’ll get to, requires you to walk around, wait, and get lucky. Most geysers are erratic, spontaneous, random, and all those other words that essentially mean, “unpredictable.” Norris has a verity of geysers and sulfur vents in the form of mud volcanoes, hot springs, and other such geothermal creations. Like the sulfur fields in Lassen National Park, Yellowstone reeks of, well, sulfur. But not in that “ew, rotten eggs,” way, but in that, “ I’m going to really smell bad tonight,” kind of way. Which is no problem, because so will everyone else. The most predictable, and therefore “faithful,” of Yellowstone’s geysers is the storied Old Faithful. It’s not the highest, or the largest, or even the most spectacular, according to park employees, but it is the largest geyser in the world that works on a regular schedule. I chose to view Old Faithful from an observation point on a near-by hilltop, entitled Observation Point. I’m not sure if this is the best way to view the geyser, but it beats standing, or sitting, amongst the large crowds, and perhaps allows for a better perspective of size and altitude. At least I like to think so. Despite its faithful moniker, Old Faithful is also a big tease. Its cycle is approximately an hour and fifteen minutes, give or take. So, you sit there, with the camera. The naïve, like myself, snap off photos at the first sign of activity. This is wrong, and you must learn to wait. Remember the old saying, “a watched pot never boils?” Well, this theory applies to geysers as well. You must stay ready, alert, and with the right focus and aperture. Perhaps you’ve even taken a test photo of the area to make sure the angle is decent. And you wait. And then spurts, but small ones. Not the great geyser performance that you had heard about. “Was that it?” You ask yourself and the others around you. Should I stay? Leave? So, you wait some more. And wait. And you think, “Maybe that was it? This is bullshit.” Finally, when you think you may have just gotten unlucky, and this just happened to be an especially weak performance, Old Faithful comes through. Ooh… ahhh… time to hit the road. But that’s not all. Yellowstone has a predictable geyser, a really large high-altitude lake, sulfur fields, and it also has, and I didn’t know this until I got there, a spectacular canyon with numerous waterfalls.

The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone, as it is officially called, is a pretty darn spectacular place. I was surprised by how colorful the walls of the canyon were, created by constant sulfur activity, and how much water was traveling through the canyon. The waterfalls, although not as high as Yosemite’s, certainly pumped out their fair share of water, and made for some pretty quality photo opportunities. Yellowstone positively has more to offer, and I feel like I may have rushed the trip, but now I know that I can go back with some park familiarity and still have some fresh sights to enjoy.

Boulder, Colorado seems like a great place to live as long as its not snowing, but the road to Boulder from Yellowstone was more than mildly unpleasant. The first, very short, portion of the ride southeast took me through The Grand Teton National Park just south of Yellowstone. The sunset view, that I had the pleasure of witnessing, over the Rockies is the single most spectacular view of the trip. In a word, it was “awesome.” The view, coupled with the turning color of the trees, made for one hell of a photo op and made me wish that I had allocated more time to Teton Park, and less to Yellowstone.

Never, ever, for any reason drive through the middle of Wyoming at night. Every kind of animal that the state has to offer will dart in front of your vehicle at some point. No joke. At different times throughout the drive I had a buffalo, or bison, moose, deer, elk, owl, mouse, not to be confused with moose, and rabbit in front of my car. It’s like they have a genetically predisposition to leap, dart, run or saunter in front of moving vehicles. No big deal. No harm, no foul. But I’m sitting there rigid in the drivers seat, with J.T. the Brick quietly ranting about the up coming football season on the radio, hands tightly gripping the wheel, eyes scanning the medians and margins of the road frantically, and my foot jerking at the slightest sign of movement. I really don’t want to hit a moose, or even a deer. Do you even know how bad that would suck? Oh, GPS, just lead me safely to thy nearest rest stop so I can rest my weary head, and I will never forsake your guidance, or take your misleading directions in vain again.

Fort Collins, just north of Boulder, was packed with traffic of the worst kind — road work traffic. I was forced to take the New Belgium Brewery tour, and indulge in their tasting room. What a horrible way to beat traffic. Boulder was great.

I hope that everyone can appreciate the fact that I drove 671.50 miles today, while stopping only once for gas and thin, crispy burgers. And not only that, it was through, quite possibly, the most boring state in the union… as far as scenery, historical sites to laugh at, and diversity in landscape. The state of Kansas possesses three historical points of interest, as far as I’m concerned, and nothing else that is really worth stopping for. The Eisenhower Library & Center in Abilene, the home of Custer & The US Cavalry Museum at Fort Riley, and the site of the initial Brown v. The Board of Education, at the Courthouse in Topeka. I neglected to stop at any one of the three. The burger place that I did stop at was so disappointing that I almost swore off the Roadfood book entirely. The Cozy Inn in Salina sounds like a nice pleasant place, right? That’s what I thought. According to Roadfood, the burgers, “somehow form a perfect combination with pickle, mustard, and ketchup,” which I felt was far from the truth. Perhaps a local favorite, the burgers ranked up there with, but not necessarily surpassing McDonald’s, Burger King, and White Castle. In short, the burger stand was about as impressive as Kansas’ scenery. Important road rule: Never drive through Wyoming at night, and never drive through Kansas during the day.

Because I had no idea what to do with myself in Kansas City, I was forced to return to Roadfood’s guidance and get some highly recommended Bar-Be-Que at Arthur Bryant’s. It is important to note that the “grease house” as it is called, is in Missouri and not Kansas, therefore keeping Kansas’ “cool score” at zero. Arthur Bryant’s, is not your corporate fast food Bar-Be-Que, like K.C. Masterpiece, and pretty much rocked. I had a sopping wet brisket sandwich and a hefty plate of beans and fries. I know why people in the Midwest are disgustingly fat. After eating a tiny, lame, forgettable burger for lunch, the spicy sauce and the tender smoked dead cow, with crispy, fresh cut fries, and saucy beans was like eating dirt your entire life and then finally having your first real meal. Roadfood was temporarily back in my good graces. After dinner, I found out just how bad a baseball team the Kansas City Royals really are. Randy Johnson had a no hitter into the seventh inning, and the Yankees ended up winning nine to one. Not much going on in Kansas City… just another blip on the radar.

I can’t believe that the Gateway Arch is closed! “The arch is temporarily closed. And it is uncertain when it will reopen,” was all the park rangers could tell me. Oh, St. Louis, I wanted to slap someone. They don’t tell you this until you’ve entered the six-dollar parking structure and walked to the base of the monument. WTF? St. Louis does have a spectacular botanical garden, however, which they DO allow you to enter. Thanks to Mr. Oliver, I was able to enjoy the sold out Chihuly Nights exhibit which featured the artists spectacularly blown glass arrangements throughout the garden. The garden complex is definitely worth the time, whether there is a special exhibit there or not. The grounds are quite expansive, requiring a good evening of walking to see Japanese, Victorian, herb, rose, vegetable, forested, humid, and temperate gardens. In addition fountains, pools, an educational center, restaurant & bar, the garden, apparently during the summer, has free concerts, which allow people to bring their own food, drink, and seating to enjoy the music and the evening on any part of the grounds. Very interesting and entertaining place. ... I ended up staying at the Huck Finn International Hostel in a part of town that the locals at Nadine’s Gin Joint called, “The Island.” It was an interesting place out of the downtown area, which has the dive bars, coffee shops, and small restaurants of an actual neighborhood. Nadine’s Gin Joint made for a lively place to watch the end of the Steelers–Dolphins season opener and Cardinals–Diamondbacks game. Cardinal’s fans are passionate to say the least, and the few that I was sitting with, enjoyed yelling at the TV much more than they enjoyed talking to each other, unless you want to talk about how Isringhausen blows, Pujols is so not on steroids, and how the beginning of the football season makes life so much more enjoyable.

I’m sitting here, below the arch, at nine thirty in the morning waiting for whatever problem that exists to be fixed, so that I can see the sights, go to the brewery, and then drive on to Chicago. What are the odds that the two days that I am in town, the thing is closed? Pissed am I. Unfortunate this is.

Hey, but at least Anheuser-Busch came through with a stellar brewery tour and tasting room equipped with pretzels and eight different beers on tap. The tour, lasting a little over an hour, walks through the original Busch family Clydesdale stables, the frigid fermentation rooms with single vats of a beer that would take a person over a hundred and twenty years to drink at a pace of one pint an hour, every hour. Then the toasty brew house, and ten story bottling plant. The final leg of the tour is a trolley ride back across the expansive campus to the hospitality room. Some interesting facts: During prohibition, the brewery became the largest manufacturer of baking yeast in the world, to makeup for the loss of alcohol production. The brewery also produced soda and other beverages during this time. Additionally, all the storerooms on the property, the largest single beer storing unit in the world, must be replenished every twenty four hours just to keep Midwest beer distributors in stock… if I remember correctly, that was about half a million cases (24 bottles) of beer every day, just in the Midwest.

The road to Chicago was quick and easy until about twenty miles outside the city when I realized the cardinal rule of entering a new city: never do it at rush hour. What should have taken fifteen minutes, took nearly an hour, and left me frazzled, hungry, and slightly claustrophobic. A walk through a fresh neighborhood quickly remedies all long car rides, and a quality meal of a sun dried tomato pesto and turkey sandwich and potato salad eliminates recent frustrations.

Breakfast at the Cozy Corner Diner and Pancake House was a spectacular way to start the day. Endorsed by Roadfood, which pissed me off again in St. Louis with their recommendation of Goody Goody Diner, the Cozy Corner Diner came through in ways where their previous hamburger recommendations had drastically missed — as in exceptional food, not just throwback atmosphere. Watching the chefs wail through order after order was worth the price of the food by itself. Eggs, hash browns, sausage, and of course pancakes, makes for a breakfast worth starting a day with. No doubt the kind of place that should be recommended. The day in Chicago has been another tourist assault of sorts. Drive by tourism of the legendary Wrigley Field at 1060 West Addison probably didn't give the landmark site the time it truly deserves, but I think I'll be back in the future. A stroll to Millennium Park was shortly followed by a trip up to the Hancock Building’s observatory, and then the Magnificent Mile of Michigan street. I really like Chicago, and will have to come back.

More on Cleveland, the six hours I spent at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, attempting the cross the Canadian border, and heading to Cooperstown in the next installment…